Mint it new, put some electronic keys behind it and a synchronized light show.
Ask a group of people who believes in God these days, you’ll get a census of confused faces. It’s unpopular, not very trendy. If we’re looking at optics here, it can be construed as sexist. Racist. Christian acolytes tend to be overbearing, overrepresented in news media and billboard traffic. It’s time to change that.
Imagine the layout of the average church — not very aesthetic anymore, right? I mean, back then, in the days of the great architects and carpentry it was a marvel. But as we’ve seen before, they don’t really meet fire code regulations anymore. Wooden structures, they go up in flames too quickly. Glass mosaic windows shatter with weak baseball throws, we have to change these ideas.
I don’t think I even have to mention the average church goer at this point — beer belly jersey shore fade haircut obesity, trundling down the aisle excited for that communion wafer, that little sip of wine and they’re on their way. They gather out on the entrance staircase and talk about the big game on in a few hours, where they’re going to consume their diabetic pancakes after the whole song is said and done. If you change the setting, you change the status. You see now where i’m going with this.
Big, nondescript building. If we’re addressing perspective, the average church looks too… churchy. We need to innovate, to become uniform with the other buildings on campus. Spacious, you could wander inside and still not know where you are unless a service is in session. That way we could get some new believers, perhaps a few lackluster employees could benefit from the blessing of a higher power. And! Instead of those drab choir hymns, we can get a full band to perform before every sermon! Install a log machine, full band spread, make the whole thing hip and hop.
Most Google campuses don’t even have churches yet! Supposedly the harbinger of innovation, we haven’t even taken a second to look into the past. Into what our employees would see as another addition to the live-in campus experience. Sure, only about 2% of our demographic reports being “religious” and “believing” but that’s a 2% that has to go elsewhere for their spiritual entertainment. Imagine: the aisles full of trendy Google employees, Chino slacks and Cardigans, all united in prayer. Picturesque.
A clientele modern Jesus would be proud of.